Saturday 5 January 2008

cocoon.

Well, it seems that a new year is upon us. I actually feel as though a decade has past since I’ve written anything. While I’d like to say that I’ve taken a break for a spiritual journey of self-discovery and am returning from the hiatus bursting with profound things to say, the truth is, I’m forcing these words out of myself like toothpaste from an empty tube to appease my friends who have become not unlike an angry lynch mob of pitchfork-wielding villagers demanding a blog post in exchange for not burning me at the stake and making s’mores from sugar-reduced marshmallows and gluten-free graham crackers over my slowly charring carcass. I’m pretty sure the demand stems from the fact that the general absurdity and ridiculousness chronicled here makes their own lives seem better by comparison. Nonetheless, be it by way of silver-tongued persuasion or under duress, Strawberry Blondie has returned, and in an aptly tardy fashion, will kick off 2008 by reviewing the year that was 2007.

The year began at midnight on January 1st, as years are wont to do, and it definitely got things started with a bang. Unfortunately, the source of this “bang” was the sound of my crumpled body tumbling down the rain-soaked stairs of a Toronto nightclub. No major damage, other than a little stilettoing of the leg resulting in a bruise resembling a minor gun shot wound. After a night of debauchery out on the town, two good friends and I collapsed in a sleepy pile and awoke not quite ‘bright eyed and bushy tailed’ so much as ‘bleary eyed and hungover as all hell’, but nonetheless, ready to take on 2007. Looking back on those three sleepy ladies having brunch on New Year’s Day 2007, I can’t believe what a tumultuous year it’s been and where they’ve all ended up. I’m sure they wouldn’t have believed it either, or they would have spent less time bickering about homefries and more time fretting about how they were going to make it through the next twelve months.

It really was a year of metamorphoses and through the graduations, new jobs, loves, heartbreaks, triumphs, and assorted catastrophes, we changed enormously while still remaining frighteningly the same. We learned a terrifying amount about ourselves and ended up in situations wish you would be hard pressed to fabricate. In the name of being succinct, or (more accurately) cripplingly lazy, here are a few highs and lows (or just lows) of 2007 and what turned out to be some of the more formative moments shaping the various neuroses which we’ve added to our emotional baggage (which is edging closer to the check-in weight limit) for 2008.

1). Picking a recently hysterical friend up at the airport after an unfortunate bout of heartbreak and/or deportation becomes a regular occurrence and a new standard tenet of good friendship.

2). Cocaine was given the metaphorical finger in lieu of another trip to the bar. Let it be noted for the record that we’re not only responsible, but also economical.

3). Travel was enjoyed and endured. There’s nothing like entering into that tense game of Russian Roulette the moment you step foot on a plane, hear the first infantile wail and wonder which poor bastard is going to be stuck next to the screaming ball of flesh for the next eight hours.

4). We looked fondly back on the fictional time that Carrie Bradshaw was broken up with a post-it note and yearned for those good old days of chivalry and communicative endings.

5). We macheted our way through the real estate jungles of Toronto and London where standards were quickly reduced from “well-lit, with bay windows and a charming view, hardwood floors, a balcony and/or garden” to “something without rats and roaches, or at least not both at the same time”. You know you’ve landed a quality piece of real estate when you ask to change the terms of the lease to allow you paint and your landlord leans back in his chair thoughtfully taking a drag on his cigarette before replying, “sure, it’s not like anything you do can make it worse than it already is.”

6). Stories beginning: “He’s such a gentleman, he honestly just wanted to cuddle. So then, after I slept with him… “ which would once have elicited laughter and raised eyebrows are now greeted with a knowing smile and nod.

7). Wise parental words inspired and guided. Exhibit A: an exert from a conversation with my mother:
"My laptop died and they don't think they can save anything on my hard drive, so my whole portfolio is gone, my bank account is overdrawn and I'm being forcibly removed from the country by immigration law in two weeks.”
"Oh for god's sake, stop whining, we've all got problems. Those goddamn caterpillars in the garden ate all the leaves off the daffodils I just planted."

In haughty spite of the above list, the three of us have had a remarkable year. We’ve showed elite grad schools, multi-million dollar Hollywood productions, American immigration officials, long distance relationships/friendships, the cutthroat job market, and various international borders that we can handle them like a cake walk and are ready to take whatever else comes along in stride. If that’s the result of emerging from the cocoon of the hellish 2007 list, then I’m glad that’s how we spent the last year.

Although, at the end of the day, has that much really changed? Ten years ago we were passing notes in math class reading “do you like me?” with the obligatory “yes”, “no” or “maybe” options for ticking. Not being picked for dodgeball teams was a legitimate concern. Back then, we self-medicated with candy and shopping for sparkly lip gloss. Today, we pass comparably pathetic messages via high-tech mobile phones in between the times when we’re masquerading as mature adults in the rat race. The hopelessness may remain, but our vocabulary has improved and we now generally add more options and clauses to the question. We’re willing to fight tooth and nail to get picked out of a tough interview pool for a dream job. We’ve upped the ante on our self-medicating, too. Glasses of chardonnay have replaced the kinder egg and hour-long consultations at the MAC counter have pushed the sparkly lip gloss aside.

Alright, stick us back in the cocoon: we’re not quite done yet.

9 comments:

Allison said...

Ah, where to start.

I never forced you to post. I just said stop referring to the fact that you blog, when you clearly, do not. ;)

I really think I must show you the pictures from last NYE. I think you can handle them after the Christmas Eve brunch debauchery.

We did fight over home fries at brunch. Good memory.

Picking you up from the airport after you were deported was the highlight of my summer.

"We live lives worst than post-it breakups" is perhaps some of my best quoting.

There were so many things that defined this year. Looking back, one particular car ride on the highway would probably be my lowest point. I am just glad I had someone at the other end of the phone reminding me not to swerve into oncoming traffic.

So, what should we do for fun this year? ;)

Allison said...

Muahhaha....

Someone tagged the xmas eve brunch photos of you on Facebook. :-)

Anonymous said...

Hurrah! Finally. Though I also resent the idea that I have forced you to do anything. I think I mentioned it in an email once, as an option for keeping me up to date. Personalized emails are good too. Your choice, Sweetie.

I have no memory of fighting over home fries, but I'm sure it happened. I'm pretty passionate about potatoes. ;)

Thanks for the fantastic post. It definitely puts things into perspective.

I never passed notes like that in grade 8 though. I knew who my friends were then and well, there were only 3 boys in my class, none of which were in any way desirable.

I miss you both, and I'm looking forward to seeing what crazy difficulties this year brings for us.

Allison said...

I'm going to continue to a be a comment whore here.

I was thinking about the comment you made about our pathetic text messages. I recall one sent around the same time of the previously mentioned car ride...

"I am empty. There are no more tears. Death would be a welcome treat."

Dramatic much? ;)

Anonymous said...

p.s. I like these mini updates in between emails!

Todd said...

Ahhh... So nice to see an update. I love reading reviews of a year gone by - they seem therapeutic, and help close the door on the old, and help welcome the new. :)

I love the conversation with your mother, hehe.

Strawberry Blondie said...

Allison -- No, I think those 2007 NYE pictures can stay in the vault. Good news for you since you can keep blackmailing me with them.

Your now infamous car ride and the accompanying phone call will haunt me forever. Definitely a terrifyingly low point. Although the resulting text message is hilarious in retrospect. What should we do for fun this year, huh? Well, not that, for starters. Good to note though that the sun did continue to rise after that dark day it wasn't the end of the world like it initially seemed. What a year...

Maggie -- No, you weren't one of the blog-demanding lynch mob. Ironically, they're mostly people who never comment. Hypocrites! ;-)

I've heard you are passionate about potatoes. You should have been with us for Christmas -- I was in charge of the roast potatoes, and it took 4 people a week of leftovers to (mostly) finish them. You would have loved it. The Passion of the Potato, right there.

Miss you lots and look forward to whatever craziness comes our way this year. :-)

Todd -- Finally an update, indeed! I'm going to try to write at least once a week from now on -- feel free to reprimand me if I don't.

Year-end reviews are such a great and cathartic way to close one chapter and start a new one. Sometimes you just need to take stock of what is going on your life and such. Writing it down makes you feel like it's all part of some grand plan rather than a haphazard series of misadventures!

Re: My mother. Yes, she's full of little gems of parental wisdom. :P

Anonymous said...

As a card carrying member of the pitchfork brigade I'd just like to say that this blog entry is not at all pretentious in any way shape or form ;)

I'm particularly looking forward to seeing an entry entitled "English breakfasts and how I came to love them!"

Strawberry Blondie said...

Darkojones -- Yes, please do look out for that post, coming soon to a blog near you. "English Breakfasts and how I came to Love Them" alternatively titled "I just ate the worst scrambled eggs of my life and vomited up my left lung".