cocoon.

Well, it seems that a new year is upon us. I actually feel as though a decade has past since I’ve written anything. While I’d like to say that I’ve taken a break for a spiritual journey of self-discovery and am returning from the hiatus bursting with profound things to say, the truth is, I’m forcing these words out of myself like toothpaste from an empty tube to appease my friends who have become not unlike an angry lynch mob of pitchfork-wielding villagers demanding a blog post in exchange for not burning me at the stake and making s’mores from sugar-reduced marshmallows and gluten-free graham crackers over my slowly charring carcass. I’m pretty sure the demand stems from the fact that the general absurdity and ridiculousness chronicled here makes their own lives seem better by comparison. Nonetheless, be it by way of silver-tongued persuasion or under duress, Strawberry Blondie has returned, and in an aptly tardy fashion, will kick off 2008 by reviewing the year that was 2007.

The year began at midnight on January 1st, as years are wont to do, and it definitely got things started with a bang. Unfortunately, the source of this “bang” was the sound of my crumpled body tumbling down the rain-soaked stairs of a Toronto nightclub. No major damage, other than a little stilettoing of the leg resulting in a bruise resembling a minor gun shot wound. After a night of debauchery out on the town, two good friends and I collapsed in a sleepy pile and awoke not quite ‘bright eyed and bushy tailed’ so much as ‘bleary eyed and hungover as all hell’, but nonetheless, ready to take on 2007. Looking back on those three sleepy ladies having brunch on New Year’s Day 2007, I can’t believe what a tumultuous year it’s been and where they’ve all ended up. I’m sure they wouldn’t have believed it either, or they would have spent less time bickering about homefries and more time fretting about how they were going to make it through the next twelve months.

It really was a year of metamorphoses and through the graduations, new jobs, loves, heartbreaks, triumphs, and assorted catastrophes, we changed enormously while still remaining frighteningly the same. We learned a terrifying amount about ourselves and ended up in situations wish you would be hard pressed to fabricate. In the name of being succinct, or (more accurately) cripplingly lazy, here are a few highs and lows (or just lows) of 2007 and what turned out to be some of the more formative moments shaping the various neuroses which we’ve added to our emotional baggage (which is edging closer to the check-in weight limit) for 2008.

1). Picking a recently hysterical friend up at the airport after an unfortunate bout of heartbreak and/or deportation becomes a regular occurrence and a new standard tenet of good friendship.

2). Cocaine was given the metaphorical finger in lieu of another trip to the bar. Let it be noted for the record that we’re not only responsible, but also economical.

3). Travel was enjoyed and endured. There’s nothing like entering into that tense game of Russian Roulette the moment you step foot on a plane, hear the first infantile wail and wonder which poor bastard is going to be stuck next to the screaming ball of flesh for the next eight hours.

4). We looked fondly back on the fictional time that Carrie Bradshaw was broken up with a post-it note and yearned for those good old days of chivalry and communicative endings.

5). We macheted our way through the real estate jungles of Toronto and London where standards were quickly reduced from “well-lit, with bay windows and a charming view, hardwood floors, a balcony and/or garden” to “something without rats and roaches, or at least not both at the same time”. You know you’ve landed a quality piece of real estate when you ask to change the terms of the lease to allow you paint and your landlord leans back in his chair thoughtfully taking a drag on his cigarette before replying, “sure, it’s not like anything you do can make it worse than it already is.”

6). Stories beginning: “He’s such a gentleman, he honestly just wanted to cuddle. So then, after I slept with him… “ which would once have elicited laughter and raised eyebrows are now greeted with a knowing smile and nod.

7). Wise parental words inspired and guided. Exhibit A: an exert from a conversation with my mother:
"My laptop died and they don't think they can save anything on my hard drive, so my whole portfolio is gone, my bank account is overdrawn and I'm being forcibly removed from the country by immigration law in two weeks.”
"Oh for god's sake, stop whining, we've all got problems. Those goddamn caterpillars in the garden ate all the leaves off the daffodils I just planted."

In haughty spite of the above list, the three of us have had a remarkable year. We’ve showed elite grad schools, multi-million dollar Hollywood productions, American immigration officials, long distance relationships/friendships, the cutthroat job market, and various international borders that we can handle them like a cake walk and are ready to take whatever else comes along in stride. If that’s the result of emerging from the cocoon of the hellish 2007 list, then I’m glad that’s how we spent the last year.

Although, at the end of the day, has that much really changed? Ten years ago we were passing notes in math class reading “do you like me?” with the obligatory “yes”, “no” or “maybe” options for ticking. Not being picked for dodgeball teams was a legitimate concern. Back then, we self-medicated with candy and shopping for sparkly lip gloss. Today, we pass comparably pathetic messages via high-tech mobile phones in between the times when we’re masquerading as mature adults in the rat race. The hopelessness may remain, but our vocabulary has improved and we now generally add more options and clauses to the question. We’re willing to fight tooth and nail to get picked out of a tough interview pool for a dream job. We’ve upped the ante on our self-medicating, too. Glasses of chardonnay have replaced the kinder egg and hour-long consultations at the MAC counter have pushed the sparkly lip gloss aside.

Alright, stick us back in the cocoon: we’re not quite done yet.